Msg # 8679   
Date: 26 May 94  10:45:00
From: Bob Johnstone
  To: Chris Rensing
Subj: RE: NEW TO THE AREA
____________________________________________________________________________

 >  The only people that can't hurt me fall into two categories: Those that
 >  don't matter to me, and those who I have developed enough of an
 >  understanding of to forgive the hurts they have committed against me.

 What really gives an individual the ability to totally forgive, so you never
even bring up or accuse them again is the ability to eliminate the
resentment. When the resentment is gone, the pain is gone, and anyone can
forgive someone for something which does not _hurt_ them.

 >  This is a subjective process. Which in my case, involves observation of
 >  the person, and prayer regarding the way they hurt me, and my need to
 >  forgive them. There have been times in which God directly gave me the
 >  ability to forgive very old, large hurts. Forgiving someone is a
 >  freeing process. It frees you of the pain. When done properly it also
 >  alleviates the unnecessary guilt caused by such emotional havoc.

 It also _eliminates_ the emotional havoc, when the resentment is gone.


 > My experience
 > and observation has been that one's self esteem and self image, play a
 > large part in how hurt one is, and what kinds of things a person gets
 > hurt about. It is hard to give good examples of this. But you do have
 > to allow people to hurt you. Much as a battered wife must allow her
 > husband to beat her.

   Self esteem and self image do play a large part, the resentment about
things which we perceive lower our self image, or make us believe that others
are more important than we are can hurt.  Get rid of the resentment, and the
hurt or emotions disappear and the experience remains which we can look at
analytically, without any damaging emotions.  Then we can use that experience
as a lesson which improves the quality of life.

   No one has to allow someone to hurt them or beat them once they are old
enough to make their own decisions, even if they do not know how to change
their own feelings. (Not all adults can make their own decisions yet.)  The
scars on my back show I was beaten as badly as most and more than some
others, I ran away from home 13 times before I was 12, and was dragged back
by the police.  They seldom even asked why I ran away, when they found out I
was a runaway, they just called my father to pick me up.  Once I was gone for
over a year, and worked at a beach resort in NH for the summer, in a
restaurant washing dishes for the winter.  One night they found me sleeping
on the beach, and I had to return for more of the same, until I was fifteen,
when my father thought one time I was going to hit him back.  Cowards seldom
will strike those who can or even try to protect themselves, he never hit me
again.
  When finally I could _legally_ leave home by going in the service, I did.

    Over the years I have worked with many who have been beaten, and was able
to teach them HOW to release that resentment and they were able to forgive
parents and wives, just as I eventually forgave mine.  This does _not_ mean,
that because one forgives someone, they must continue to accept beatings. But
it FREES us from the feelings or emotions which are so painful and allows us
to get on with our life or have a much happier life, in _spite_ of the past.

 >  It is much easier to forgive someone when you know that they haven't
 >  intentionally hurt you. And when they have intentionally hurt you, as
 >  has happened to me a few times in my life, one must work harder at
 >  forgiveness. In my case, I eventually forgive that person(s) because I
 >  realize that their programming allows them to be nasty or vendictive.

 Practice the mental exercise in the series RELAX TO THE MAX, and you can
find it as easy to forgive those who intentionally hurt you, as those who did
not.

 Keep track of when you begin practicing, practice daily for three weeks,
then call me to find out HOW you too can change feelings or eliminate
resentment and feel better about such experiences than you ever dreamed.

 You really can "love your enemies" when you get rid of the resentment.

--- FLAME v1.0
 * Origin: For PTSD or Emotions & Physical HELP 714-525-1706 (1:10/25)

PATH: 10/25 103/501 121 3615/50 138/103 1 352/3 410
03